Friendventory

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Friendventory

Post  Anon. on Fri Jul 22, 2011 3:51 pm

I'm planning on cleaning out my friendventory. What are some factors I should make sure to take into consideration for optimal results?

Anon.
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Re: Friendventory

Post  Admin on Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:44 pm

Anon,

There are many factors that need to be taken into consideration when you are thinking about cleaning out your friendventory. Assuming that you are talking about real life friends, and not just friends of the interweb there are also feelings to consider, also the fact that you may actually run into these people in public places. There are steps you can take to avoid embarassing and/or harmful situations.

I will break down the answer into simple steps that you can follow. There will be guidelines for online (facebook) friends and real life (in the real world) friends. I will start with online friends first.

1. Determine when the last time you actually spoke to this person was other than the random text or comment on their wall.
2. If it has been less than 1 month ago, the protocol would fall under the real life unfriending.
3. If it has been more than a month, but less than 6 months, wait until it has been 6 months or more. You can do this by refraining from making wall posts, comments on others' posts, and sending messages and/or invites, (regardless of how often that person tries to contact you.)
4. If it has been longer than 6 months, or 2 fiscal quarters, but less than 1 year, here is the simple set of steps to unfriend someone. First, start to post mean, inaccurate or irrelevant things on their wall. When questioned about it, always, and I mean ALWAYS, respond with either "thats what she said" or "Gheylord says what?" That will lay down the foundation that you are about to start ending the friendship. Do this for another 2 to 3 weeks. Hopefully by then, said person will have unfriended you. That is the ideal situation, as the blame and guilt should fall on them, not you.
5. If said person does not unfriend you, you can easily unfriend them at this point without guilt. I mean, after 18 months of ignoring and ridicule and they are still your friend, who wants a friend that has such low self esteem? At that point, the person has all but clicked the unfriend key for you. Send them a parting message describing how weak they are and how much better your wall will look without their picture on it every 2 hours telling you what they are doing at the grocery store and where they are having dinner.

Now, on to the much harder and delicate task of breaking up with a friend that you actually see and interact with in the real world, not just in cyberspace. As mentioned earlier, you need to remember that there is always the chance you might run into them at the batting cages, dairy queen, church, bar, dr.'s office or gas station. There isnt as much as a set of steps, or process, more like an inventory/equation you need to use to decide whether or not this person is a good friend, an acquaintance, or a hinderance. Obviously the level of friendship will have to be taken into consideration when deciding whether or not to keep them around. For example, what might be considered a mild offense for a good friend might be considered an inexcusable act for an acquaintance. There are numerous levels of friendship as well, I will state the equation for each level. The inventory value is up to you to decide.

First, I will describe the levels of friendship.
1 = acquaintance
2 = classmate/co-worker
3 = drinking buddy
4 = sibling of friend
5 = friend of friend that you know well enough to have their phone number
6 = friend that you dont share feelings with
7 = friend that you share certain feelings with
8 = friend you tell everything to but only bc you know they dont know any of your other friends and it would never come back to you
9 = very good friend that you would prefer to hang out with over friend categories 1-8
10 = BFF

** siblings and other family members/half family members do not count in this equation

Legend
# = number of months you have known said person
L = level of friendship
I = number of infractions or things they have done to upset you in the last 1.5 years
C = chances of seeing them in public (this should be considered in a percentage out of 100, plugged in as a decimal).
V = the number of any variables that may need to be taken into account. A variable can be anything from an upcoming party you want to go to with them, they have concert tickets you want, your birthday is coming up and you want them to get you a present or buy you a drink to they owe you money and you dont want to cut them loose before you get it.
IM = Importance of the variable on a 1-5 scale, 1 being not very important.

The Basic equation that you need to plug the numbers into,(without variables) is as follows:

#/L * 10 (I + C) = level of necessity to drop them/keep them.
The general rule of thumb is that the median line is 20, the lower they are from 20 is the level of importance it is to drop them. I.E. they are not a very good friend. And the opposite is true. The higher they are past 20 equals how good of a friend they are.

Now, if there is a variable involved, the equation is as follows:
#/L * 10[(I + C)] (IM/V) =

Once the equation is completed and you decide who to keep and who to throw away, the process and manner in which you do so is completely up to you. I prefer the old "hey, lets go take a road trip and sorry I left you at that gas station 100 miles from home" or the "old Yeller" method.

Hope this answered your question

Chris

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